So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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