so explain again why im purple
no
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
