Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
