loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
