I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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