i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
