You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
