Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
