I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
