Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
