I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
