At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
