hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
