pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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