i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
