weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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