we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
