bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
