i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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