Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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