I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
