So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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