I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize