you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
