the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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