I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
