When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
