Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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