im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
