I could have mohawked her pubes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
