Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
how does that bad decision feel?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
