My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize
