he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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