I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize