the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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