hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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