had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
