I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
