is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
