isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
