I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
