i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize