Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
