This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
