My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
