dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
