haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
