I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
