White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
