fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
