Ambien. No doubt about it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
