Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
