she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
