I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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