worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
