She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
