2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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