Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
