ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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