I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just high enough for therapy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
