If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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