my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
