u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize