Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
