Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
