just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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