May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
