I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize