is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
