If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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