nut hugger
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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